How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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