Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
