Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
