Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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