I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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