i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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