I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
