Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
