This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
