Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
