my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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