Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Text me some of your sweat
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
