My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
