Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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