When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize