It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
