just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
