Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
