For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, beer. Big fan.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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