I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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