Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize