I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
