just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
