I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize