i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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