you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
