I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
