she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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