Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
