You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
