i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
