My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
