cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
