could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
