The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
