highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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