i just wanna soil my oats bro
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
