What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize