its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
