I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
