I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
