Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
