Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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