she smelled like a LAN party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
