This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
