Please, let me fuck your mom
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
