Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
