I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
