Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
