he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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