All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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