OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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