Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
