Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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