1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
