Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
