he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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