I must be too annoying 4 u.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
