I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
