Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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