Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
