Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
