Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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