Little spoons don't ask big questions
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
