ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize