you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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