i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
