he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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