can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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