Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
